


All About Dongsookie

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dongsookie, Other, Transsexuality, alternative universe, markhyuck, pansexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 00:38:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15206981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Mark had been in love with this girl since he first saw her. He liked her so much to the point of he couldn’t do anything right or think of something else but the girl. However, when Mark can finally approach her, what happens ends up being completely different from what he always dreamed of when he envisioned a perfect life.





	All About Dongsookie

**Author's Note:**

> Warning! This story contains transsexuality, pansexuality, mentions of violence and transphobia. Regardless of that, this story isn’t just about a transsexual but about Dongsookie and her fears, about two persons falling in love and especially about loving someone no matter what.

Mark fell in love instantly. He could still remember clearly the first time he saw her. He was passing by a park near his home and suddenly, there she was, sitting on a bench totally immersed in her own thoughts. Her beautiful brown hair was stuck in a kind of slack ponytail, bangs falling over her made-up eyes and the red dress she wore was lovely. Somehow made her look like a lost little girl.

Mark always felt something strange in the stomach when he could get near her, either carefully or in a totally awkward way. It was ridiculous the way his heart would beat faster and how he would get anxious to the point of shaking.

It’s just, Mark liked of her tan skin so much, he liked the way she stared straight at the floor whenever some stranger stopped by and he liked how she looked pretty with pigtails – even though some girls insisted on laughing at her hair like that.

Mark spent two months like this, only admiring the girl from afar without having the courage to do more than stare. And of course, she had already noticed him peering in her direction every day as who was afraid to be caught — not much discreet. Indeed, Mark was not good at hiding things – he himself knew that – so it was clear what was going on there even for those who had nothing to do with his life.

But Mark felt sheepish to start a conversation, he definitely didn't want to be like any of the boys who came to her with ulterior motives. She definitely deserved more than the superficially of teenage relationships and a silly guy on her tail. That girl wasn’t just anyone, she was special, she had something that made Mark forget how to breathe. It was different from anything he ever felt.

And until then all he wanted to do was continue thus, studying the best ways to become friends with her without looking like a complete fool in love or just a jerk.

Gathering a lot of courage and confidence, Mark finally went to her. On that day, the girl who took all over his thoughts was stunning. She wore one of those beautiful dresses and her hair was loose, falling gracefully down her shoulders. There, sitting on that bench in the park, she seemed the most delicate human being that Mark saw up close.

The beautiful girl was reading a book when Mark came to her and she was so focused that the young man felt stupid to have it stopped as he stood in front of her.

It was like getting a shot in the heart, the look she gave Mark. The words escaped him at once. He was lost in her smile, lost in the way that her hair moved, lost in the sight of her skin’s moles; all about her was beautiful. And soon she became apprehensive with his silence.

The boy scratched his neck embarrassed and cleared his throat, trying to somehow soften his awkwardness. "Hi, I- I was wondering- uh..."

 _It’s a complete disaster_. He was stuttering like the complete dumb he was. That way he wouldn't do more than scare her. Yeah, it was better to give it up for the good of their nonexistent relationship.

And in fact, Mark was ready to apologize and go from there running, when he finally noticed the beautiful smile she had — which revealed all her teeth and made her eyes disappear —, instantly warming Mark’s heart.

That gave him an unbelievable confidence to continue.

"My name is Mark." The young man said with a smile, receiving just a nod in return. "Where- I mean... What are you reading?" Sit next to her on the bench was an even more brave act of his. It was better that way since if he passes out at least he wouldn’t collapse to the ground.

But she didn't seem to mind that. In response to his question, all the girl did was turn the book cover in Mark’s direction for him to read the title.

Mark had no comment. How would he continue? What should he do? He didn't know the book and didn’t even know what it was. He tried to get something in his mind, but nothing was working right in his brain at that moment. It was the girl of his dreams right from his hand, after all.

They plunged in a weird silence for what seemed like forever. Mark realized that the girl had rested her book to her side and started swinging her legs, staring at them thoughtfully.

"What's your name?" The boy asked without flinching, which was a triumph in the face of his nervousness. But when Mark watched her, waiting for an answer, the girl stopped swinging her legs and got a little sheepishly while massaging her shoulder.

Mark couldn’t imagine. He would never have imagined what just occurred there when the girl picked up her book again and a pencil hidden in the back of it, in order to, with a delicate calligraphy, write a simple "Dongsookie" on a blank page.

The boy got confused for a moment until he could be able to discover the obvious. "You don't speak?" It did not sound rude. On the contrary, Dongsookie thought he looked lovely with a shocked expression on his face. Mark was just surprised. In fact, it was a slightly different reaction than she was used to. People- they usually retreated and gave her an apology all at once or just got irritated by her lack of response.

Dongsookie nodded in affirmation to Mark, a little apprehensive about the direction it all would take. She always knew who that boy was, despite she had no idea what his name was she had already noticed the constant glances Mark gave her, and any sane person could see that Mark sometimes walked in front of her as if he was just a normal passer-by doing his things, in order to look at her more closely.

"I'm sorry," Mark uttered with guilt "I would have never imagined."

Dongsookie boiled down to laugh, saying with that that everything was fine. It wasn't the first time and maybe it wouldn't be the last.

 

After that afternoon, Mark showed up there every day to sit by her side and give her company — even if communicating with the girl was somewhat a little complicated.

Dongsookie, for its part, found it funny the way Mark always seemed anxious, his lips tremble at times as he spoke and it could sound silly, but she could have sworn she was able to hear the boy’s heartbeat when they were too close.

Mark made her smile, that was undeniable. Always with his silly way and his bad jokes. And the magic tricks... dear god, the tricks! They could let someone about to die of embarrassment but Dongsookie could spend the whole day watching Mark and having fun genuinely. Every passing day beside her made the young man fell more and more deeply. No return. Everything about her made his heart beat faster, since the way she put her hair behind her ear to the way she crossed and uncrossed legs. When the shoulders touched as they walked side by side to buy ice cream or when their hands bumped unintentionally, Mark could feel his heart practically leap out his mouth. It was a lot harder to breathe, his stomach would spin and his mind- boy, his mind just stopped working.

 There was a time when Dongsookie started taking a notebook to the meetings — yes, they were definitely meetings (Mark didn’t even try to fool himself saying that it was eventual because it was not) – so they could communicate better, get to know each other better.

In the evening, when it was time to go home arrived and they needed to say goodbye, endless pages would be filled with dialogues between the two. Mark liked to write too since he found the idea of being the only one using the voice a bit uncomfortable. Dongsookie, on the other hand, didn't mind waiting for Mark to write nor complain about his sloppiness. So that without realizing weeks had already passed.

They were always in the same bank, same time. It was when there was little movement of people and the world could be only theirs, no one bothered them, not even a noise was heard.

Dongsookie confessed that she liked it, the tranquility that took place, she said that was when she could be alone and feel safe.

"But being alone with you, look better." She wrote when Mark apologized for probably be interrupting her in these moments with his arrival.

Soon after reading those words, Mark kissed her. Their first kiss. It was a little smack wrapped by shyness and, above all, clumsy. Mark had his hands trembling and Dongsookie tried not to smile and screw it up, with her hands still holding the pencil and the notebook wobbly — she had been taken by surprise.

The guilt, however, hit Dongsookie in the instant after they split up and she put her eyes on him; like an avalanche. She had an expression of sadness, incapable of looking at Mark, not even casting him the smile that he thought he would get when it _finally happens_.

 _I blew it_ , Mark thought at the same time that Dongsookie collected her things and left in a hurry. He tried to call her but the girl was very quick to run away from him.

That was a complete disaster, Mark felt like a total foolish, always doing things wrong. All his fault. _You’re stupid, Mark, just stupid!_

Unfortunately, Mark ended up proving his concerns during all the days that followed, when Dongsookie didn't come back. He felt dumb to have not had the courage to ask where she lived or studied, let alone tried to ask for her phone number — if she had one since Dongsookie hated technology and was not very good with it.

Mark cried every night. It was pathetic, a great nonsense, extremely ridiculous, but he cried. He badly wanted to see her again, at least have the chance to be rejected or to apologize. He never felt this way before, as if he could die from missing someone. The few memories — but enough — that he had of her tormented his thoughts and made him stressed.

For an entire month, every day of the week, at the same time and sitting on the same bench, Mark waited. Even if he needed to study or that his friends started to feel forgotten, Mark wouldn't let go of a day. On certain occasions he was so tired that he simply falls asleep, blaming himself deeply upon waking with the thought that Dongsookie maybe could have shown up while he was asleep.

Mark waited as if his life depended on it until the girl who he was hopelessly in love with finally shown up.

He thought he was dreaming. Mark really slapped his own face to ensure if he was indeed awake when he saw the figure of the girl sitting on _their_ Bank as soon he arrived in one more day of waiting on; legs together, graceful while reading a book.

As soon as Mark run to her, Dongsookie realized that she loved him. And noticed that Mark also liked her, truly liked her. All the apprehension she felt, any depreciation she made of herself vanished the moment she allowed Mark to hold her tight, so tight that she felt almost crushed by his arms.

However, guilt was still being felt – especially when she spotted the teary eyes of him and how he demonstrated to be happy to see her.

Mark made Dongsookie feel the most beloved person in the world that day, he apologized and accused himself of being stupid for ruining the friendship that existed between the two the way he did. Mark especially confessed how he felt, that despite the friendship they built was special for him, Mark felt much more than that. From the beginning, Mark had felt much more than just that. And if it were not reciprocal, it was okay with Mark. He just wanted to apologize for having acted without thinking a month earlier, when he had kissed her without her permission. "Just, please, don't go away again." That’s all he asked for.

A few tears fallen from Dongsookie’s eyes because of what Mark said so frantically. He was sincere and loving, demonstrating that he liked her so, so much.

What Mark did not know was that Dongsookie felt the same – if not more – for him. She had all these feelings too, of having her heart about to jump from her chest or feel miserable in his absence.

But beyond that, there was a much deeper feeling which defused it all. Dongsookie was afraid. She had a fear that Mark would never be able to fully understand. Even though now she knew with all her heart that he was different, that he was a great guy and liked her in some inexplicable way, she was afraid. They didn't even know each other so well. They never saw each other in another place that wasn't that park near their homes. They didn't even know each other’s last names! So how could Dongsookie be really sure that she wouldn't be hurt if she'd let Mark know all about her? What Mark felt for her — even if based on an image seen as illusory — could make him able to understand what she was? What Mark felt could really transcend all these barriers?

However, even if Dongsookie were apprehensive and knew that it would not have a good ending, she tried at least once in her life don't feel afraid of what she was and just let things happen.

That's why she kissed Mark. Kissed with all desire and longing that she hid for weeks.

Dongsookie had decided that she could no longer prevent things to happen in her life, she could no longer deprive herself of living because of fear. If it’d end well or badly, that's the way things are, after all.

On the other hand, Mark felt as if he had won the whole world. Everything he needed he found on Dongsookie’s lips and on the shy touch of her hands on his neck. The boy never felt so happy as he felt at that moment. He had nearly nineteen years, but no one before made him feel as if he could dream of a lifetime with a simple kiss as Dongsookie did. Without a doubt, she was special.

Became virtually impossible any mention of separating from one another after that. In time, the kisses and cuddling had evolved, but Mark never did Dongsookie feel uncomfortable or went too far. He respected her and felt pleased in simply having her around — that alone was more than enough. They saw each other every day too, sure that there were times when the world would be plotting against them, but as far as possible they were together, in the same place, same time.

Dongsookie didn’t talk much about her life as usual, so that let room for Mark to talk incessantly, and the girl listened intently as if whatever Mark said was of the utmost importance — even the nonsense. In that, she discovered a lot about him, how he was really a foreigner, where he lived and also who were his parents and what nice people they were.

But Mark always got so frustrated when Dongsookie tried to escape from anything that related to what existed between them... It was as if she did not want it to go beyond that. As if she didn't feel completely safe with him.

Mark started wondering if she was ashamed of him. Did she not think that Mark was good enough? Or did she think that Mark was just another stupid and passionate kid that would leave her life in the blink of an eye?

Mark always had his mind full of dreams – that was enough to understand him and know how he thought –, so that the two of them had not even discussed what was the relationship they had in fact or had gone beyond kissing, but Mark had already thought about what it would be like their wedding, how many children they would have and where they would live. Yeah, Mark wanted a couple, he wanted to live in a big house, work hard to take care of whatever his family would need and then give a big party to celebrate their happiness.

That were just ramblings, of course. Mark had his cheeks burning at the thought of saying such things to Dongsookie. It’s just that Mark was someone more patient than it seemed, and if he also needed to wait a lifetime for her or do anything for the girl to fall in love to the same extent, Mark would not give up so easily.

The problem was that Dongsookie liked what they had. She has been happy with it just the way it was. Nothing more than just that. And while she wished she had everything alongside Mark as he always did in his imagination, Dongsookie didn't want that year to change ever. She really wanted to be able to make that an eternal moment of her life, where things were perfect and she lived the utopia she always thought was improbable in her life condemned to a tragic fate. Because it was perfect, they were having fun, they had each other and nothing needed to be added. Unless something separated them, everything would be fine.

However, Dongsookie knew it would not continue this way forever. She knew that even though Mark was patient, things needed to change at some point. It was inevitable.

If that would be a broken-hearted mess or something close to the truth, Dongsookie that must decide. And the fear she had it all, of losing Mark or the reaction he would have, made things even more complicated.

There came a time when Dongsookie couldn't take it anymore. She just couldn't do that to Mark, she couldn't lie anymore.

As already said, the perfect life had to end at some point, the girl was aware of that from the moment she decided to reciprocate Mark or when they finally accepted that they were boyfriend and girlfriend.

Everything had gone too far, and it should end now.

But tell Mark didn't seem an option, she decided it long before. Because it was the same as betraying him, deceives him and make him a fool. Tell Mark would just make things even more painful and leave the two of them hurt.

Leave him only with the feeling they ended and a heartbreak would be better than with the revulsion of having misled by someone like Dongsookie.

She didn't want to treat Mark like anyone else, because he was the complete opposite. But everyone thought so, they all reacted in the same way, it didn’t matter if it was Dongsookie’s true self. No one understands.

No one would ever understand.

That's why Dongsookie decided that the next morning she would end up with the whole thing. She would break Mark’s heart and do what she should have done a long time ago (what shouldn't even have started, actually). It was the best for both of them.

However, the universe sometimes liked to make things even harder for Dongsookie.

Have her dad back after some time in peace — having to deal with just the distancing of her older brother — turned the girl’s life upside down again.

On the day that Dongsookie showed up with those bruises and injuries, cut lips, walking in pain; Mark for the first time in his life thought he could kill someone. Whoever hurt or made Dongsookie cry on his chest as she did on that day, Mark would destroy the person’s life.

She still remembers all the horrible things that the man said, of all the hatred and revulsion he had. He tore her clothes and told her to cut her hair, to stop with all that crap and go back to being his son again. He said that Dongsookie needed to learn a lesson, that everything was her mother’s fault, and ended up beating the girl until she couldn’t protest about the pain anymore. What Mark saw on her face was the result of something happened during a week. A week that left him so stunned that if Dongsookie didn’t have contacted his parents and assured everything was fine, that he didn't need to worry, Mark would really have gone to the police or something like that — not before breaking into the girl's house and ask for good explanations for her disappearance.

Dongsookie couldn’t- she just couldn't keep that lie anymore. Even though he could despise her, nothing mattered now.

And tell Mark was the most painful thing she did in her entire life; tell about all her fears, tell why she lied.

Dongsookie was not yet completely who should, had not yet gone through all the processes she needed to finally feel good about herself, and because of that she felt completely naked and humiliated while trying to make Mark understand her pain.

Mark felt stupid. He felt like a complete fool for never having noticed what seemed to be obvious. Dongsookie was still beautiful. That, she would never let to be – even with all the new information that rode his mind. But now there was something different in the way Mark saw her beauty.

It was not possible he couldn’t notice, right? The girl always had all the exact characteristics, she was skinny and a bit short – not enough to be too much, actually Dongsookie was almost his height –, she had absurdly beautiful expressions and her body was gorgeous, even if her dresses didn't leave room for him to look her with other eyes. Then, how could he have not noticed? Was he such a dumb to that point? Or did Mark just see Dongsookie different from other people?

Contrary to what the girl thought, Mark had no anger or felt betrayed. In fact, he didn't know what to feel. With Dongsookie’s explanations, traveling through the girl’s psychological and with the sight of her bruised face, Mark just had something bad in his throat, like a knot.

Hear Dongsookie’s voice was weird but at the same time a relief. The male voice was simply sweet and melodious, as he never thought he would be able to hear.

So many lies, so much hidden… made Mark’s head hurt.

Nevertheless, though it was a twist on his feelings and on everything he believed in, Mark couldn’t hate her. He did not insult her or got angry, he did not seem to feel disgusted or wanted to get her out of his life. Mark looked simply… worried. He was confused and worried about Dongsookie. That was all.

Over the next few days — in which Dongsookie and he didn't meet each other even once —, Mark tried with all the love he had to understand whom he discovered to be called, in fact, Haechan.

The confused boy spent hours of his days seeking information, doing research, reading articles and statements of people like her. At the end of everything his head was spinning and he felt nervous, anxious, scared.

What if Mark repents in the future? Did he really loved Dongsookie to that point? To the point of living a possible lie, perhaps being wrong about something that people generally consider freaks? Mark didn't think so, the boy didn't have that same opinion, but he was exhausted.

He thought about the time he spent with Dongsookie, in which she lied. What if she had never done that? What if she had been honest from the start? Mark wasn't sure that things could have ended better with honesty, but at the same time, he wished she could have said everything at once.

Even though he was in love, he also felt without any direction.

Mark tried to put himself in her place then, tried to feel what she felt; the fear of not being loved for who she really was, the fear of being despised and rejected not only by a normal person but in a relationship like they had. Mark tried to remember of the way she disappeared after he kissed her for the first time, the anguish she must have felt when she discovered that Mark liked her but can't be able to offer him what he perhaps wanted. Mark thought of when she showed up after that, the day she looked for him and how she was brave for had kissed Mark and give herself a chance to be happy.

Mark thought about all this. And came to the conclusion that Dongsookie didn't do any of that in order to hurt or take advantage of him. Actually, who else should have suffered through it all was her, which felt guilty of something that should be normal for any person, afraid of something so beautiful, that is to fall in love and want to be with the person you love. Mark noticed that he, in fact, admired Dongsookie. She was perhaps the most admirable person that the boy has ever known, not only for her beauty but for her courage and her good heart.

It was hard to get to that decision, it didn't come at a moment’s notice, God knows how many nights he did not sleep well or how distracted he was during his business. But Mark, in the end, decided to give a chance to the two. He could feel from the bottom of his heart something bright and beautiful, something that said none of it mattered, that he hadn’t fallen in love with a girl or a boy, but for Dongsookie, the person who took all over his thoughts.

 

When she saw him again, Dongsookie hasn't stopped crying all night. She said she was so afraid of him never wanting to talk to her again. She has waited for anything but Mark’s understanding. That boy once again showed how much she meant to him, regardless of what she was or what people would think, would talk about it or if it wasn't accepted. Because Mark didn't give a damn about what people think.

It was at first a little weird for him getting used to it – with the new concepts in his head. So that for a while they just talked. They began to know each other better and have a good time together, trying to rebuild their relationship and also reshape the way they saw one another.

While Dongsookie was becoming more confident about him, Mark felt increasingly comfortable and relieved. It was nice to hear Dongsookie’s voice, even though she was ashamed of it and always insisted on writing. Now Mark knew what Dongsookie's life was like, and there was nothing that would stop him from knowing it completely. That relieved him.

He didn't realize at once or forced himself to do it — he really didn't want to force things — but at some point, Mark just made sure; he loved Dongsookie. Just as she loved Mark back. He loved the girl with everything he had, and he would support her in any decision she made or whatever she was going to do, as long as they were together at the end.

He discovered that none of it matter if you really love that person and if you are at least smart enough to notice that that's all that counts. Mark felt no fear, and not feel afraid allowed him to found the most amazing person in his life.

 

Now they kissed without fear, without any guilt or regret. There was no room for any of this when they loved each other and were sure of their feelings. The girl felt free and happy as she never was. She felt safe with Mark and she trusted that silly boy as she never trusted anyone before. He made her feel protected, especially when she had to endure all those problems with her father and the distancing of her brother Hansol, who didn't hate her but always made it clear how he pitied Dongsookie.

However, Mark did not know how many times the girl had shown up again with injuries or bruises on her tan skin. Mark went nuts every time. Once he was really about to break into her house and beat Dongsookie’s father up, but the girl calmed him down and then tried to improve this situation. She knew that if she didn't give reasons, her father wouldn't be so hard. So, she sought to present a better behavior at home, obeying the man’s orders and making an effort to not say anything that would provoke a fight, although it was exhausting to pretend.

But Mark always told her not to worry, because he was going to take Dongsookie out of there. He'd get her out of that House and that city, no matter what they had to face. It would be completely insane to leave things the way they were, he couldn't just stand by and watch Dongsookie suffer like that without being able to do anything.

And it seemed like a lifetime to the boy, but as soon as Dongsookie became of age, the two agreed to leave that place and start a new life. Their new life. Mark was sure that's what he wanted, he had spent too much time to still have doubts about what he felt about Dongsookie.

So, the day arrived, and they virtually fled. There wasn't much to worry about, Dongsookie's parents had no idea something like that would happen – or maybe they thought that Haechan wouldn’t have the courage to continue through with all that crap. Mark's parents, however, didn't say much. They helped with some money and wished good luck if it was what their son wanted.

The capital was crazy, they felt insignificant when they arrived at such a new place and encountered so many different people. It was as if they could be consumed by the mess there and end up giving up everything at any time.

Only after a few months of persisting, Mark got into a good college and get a nice job that paid well. Dongsookie also got a job, despite having been an achievement to even consider to beat her fears. Somehow, she sought to get all the medicines she needed and all that was still left to make the pain she felt everyday stop. And Mark supported her, he never came out of her hand, even if that's lasted and was hard, he never made her feel alone.

Still, they did not have a perfect life. Nobody has. Some things would lead to a fight and another, they fought as much as any other couple and then found a way to solve their problems. But in a distant part of Mark’s mind, sometimes he felt like everything seemed to be a big mistake, he felt like he should go back in time and do differently. However, thoughts like these were cruel. And that obscure part of his mind never changed his feelings or his certainties, they only appeared in fact as a form of weakness, when things were really tough or he felt too stressed to think straight.

 

Laying while he had Dongsookie in his arms, with her head resting on his shoulder, Mark thought of when he was younger, when he was dreaming about the perfect life and thought that it was all he needed. And at the time he met Dongsookie, he really believed that he had found this fantastic life that everyone has to follow to be happy. Although this was a silly thought, he did really think that way.

But while feeling her warm body against his and her quiet breathing, listening to it resonate near his neck and staring at her bare feet that rubbed each other because of the cold, Mark realized that idealize a life is quite fun. It's nice to feel hopeful and look forward to the future.

But when life ends up surprising you, it’s even better. Because with that, you notice that all you needed was something that never has crossed your mind; that was even closer than you thought.

The feeling of this is really funny. And Mark felt happy with what he had, he wouldn't trade it for anything in the world and would do anything to make it last. It was perfect just the way it was.

**Author's Note:**

> As you might note, I am not a native English speaker and I couldn't find a beta reader too, so this must have been really hard to read with all these grammar errors and all nonsense. I am sorry about that, I don’t know what I’m doing I just had to post it here. Anyway, thanks for reading!
> 
> Ps: I didn’t know if I should have used “Dongsook” or just “Dongsookie” but I choose “Dongsookie” anyway. For me, it sounds better haha I’m sorry if that’s wrong.


End file.
